I was clearly struggling in my last email, but what a blessing that is! I am learning so much. I've grown and changed more than I could've ever imagined in 10 days. And I love it all! I am SO happy!!
Remember the story about Christ holding us in the fire so he can refine us that I used in my farewell? I'm in that fire because Christ is helping me become the disciple He needs me to be.
What I've learned this week: MISSIONS ARE HARD, but MIRACLES ARE REAL.
One thing that has been on my mind since getting here has been finding the balance between being "Ella" and a "serious missionary". As I was praying for what question to bring to conference, the same thought came into my mind on 2 occasions. "Who do you want to be?"
WOW. From the minute conference started until the last word spoken, I received countless answers. Faith and humility. I need to put my trust in God while being like a child-humble, meek, obedient, and submissive. Every talk was mind blowing and the personal revelation was flowing! I am so beyond grateful!!! I could write so much about every talk. So if you didn't listen to all 4 sessions, I would encourage you to look up the talks. They will give you the advice, comfort, and wisdom you need in this crazy world.
Tuesday night devotional: Emeritus General Authority John M. Madsen spoke on the Atonement and having "dignity". Loved it. I was just SO happy coming home-you know the Ella that is just on one! Well I was. And so I skipped all the way home just laughing and having the time of my life. Then we got back to west campus after the 45 minute walk through Provo (a dream come true!) and had a meeting with our branch presidency. We discussed what has been hardest for us and I again thought of my internal struggle-how to conduct myself. I decided to refrain from talking and counsel with the Lord first. So when I got home I opened a letter I had gotten from Matt Balkman. Luckily I had taken the advice of one of our teachers to wait and read letters at night so we aren't distracted. I sat down on our couch and opened the letter. Pulled out a card with a picture of zebras on it that said "CONFORMITY. When people have the ability to choose for themselves, they copy each other." I continued to read and Matt told me to just be me. I, Ella Rae, was called by God. I have been given my talents and personality and uniqueness for a reason and I need to use it. Yes I will be obedient, but I need to be myself. That was a MIRACLE. Thank you Matt for listening to your inspired prompting to send me that thoughtful card and gift. It was a true answer to prayer.
I am so grateful for the gospel and everything I am learning here. The Book of Mormon is true. If you haven't sincerely read it in a long time or ever at all, I invite you to do so. The promise made in Moroni 10:3-5 is real. I have experimented on the words and have received a great witness of the truth and power of this book. Pray and read with sincerity and desire. I can promise you if you take the leap of faith to experiment on the words, you will not fall.
With All My Love,
Sister Ella Rae Madsen
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